Are your standards as high as a mountain? Far too often, people that have high standards or expectations of what they want in a partner are considered conceited or shallow. However, I don’t believe this is the case, provided they hold themselves to the same high standards that they expect from someone else.
I am personally one of those people with pretty high dating standards, difficult for the average person to attain, but when I find the right one, he’ll attain them without even trying, because he’ll hold himself to the same standards. Here are some of my standards for dating to give you an idea what I expect, along with commentary on how they relate to me.
Age Between 25 and 35
I’m 30, and I prefer not to have a partner that is more than 5 years apart from me. I would probably bend this rule if someone was really special, but by absolutely no more than 8 years, and the person would have to be pretty special.
Must be Good with and Like Kids
This one kind of goes without saying, considering that I have a child. I will not date anyone who isn’t a kid person or who doesn’t do well around them. I’m a mother, and my kid is not something I would give up for anything, so if the guy isn’t good with kids, he’s automatically out of the running.
Must Click Both with Me and My Son
A lot of parents forget to take their kids into consideration when dating, and end up with someone who they like, but the kid doesn’t necessarily. If I am to find a man, he’ll have to click with both of us. If he doesn’t click with my son, he’s out. There’s an extra layer of compatibility there.
Must be Willing to Take it Slow
I’ve had some rotten relationships in the past, and my ability to trust a person is severely diminished. I can eventually, but it certainly won’t happen overnight, and no guy should expect that. I wouldn’t expect it out of them either. In addition, knowing I have a son, they’ll have to understand my time is limited and my son is always my priority, so if I turn them down, it doesn’t mean I’m uninterested, just that I have priorities. They should also be willing to wait and date for a few months before being introduced to my son, on neutral grounds, and not expect to rush in and be dad. If that kind of relationship eventually develops naturally, then so be it, but that should not be the initial goal.
Must Live Near Enough to Physically See
I have a lot of experience with long distance relationships, and I refuse to ever do them again. I want to be able to physically date someone, and not be too far to travel to do so. I’m moving across the country in a little over a year though, so I probably won’t date until then, as I don’t expect anyone locally to move with me. Better to find someone in the area once I get there.
No Smoking, Drinking, or Drugs of Any Kind
On rare, special occasions, I might make an exception for the odd one or two drinks, but nothing like getting wasted or over drinking, and absolutely never ever ever around my son. I will never allow alcohol to be kept in my home. As for smoking, I don’t care what you put into your body, but if it starts to affect me or my son, I do care, which is why I won’t date a smoker because I don’t want that around me either, especially after having a relative die from smoking. Drugs are completely out of the question too. They better be clean or they’re not for me!
Must Not Live With Parents
As I said before, I am 30, and the minimum age I would date is 25. Even if I dropped that a little for a very special person, someone that age should absolutely not still be living with Mommy and Daddy. I moved out at 18 and, while I know some people need longer, five or more years is too much. The only exception is if it’s a temporary thing after something like a divorce, such as in my case, where I lived with my mom for less than a year before moving back out again once I got back on my feet. That is understandable, but the person even in this case should not be a leech, and should be legitimately trying to get out.
Must be Productive
I won’t date a bum. He must either be working, preferably a job with room for advancement instead of a dead end one, in college with direction in his life, not still trying to figure out what to do, or have a degree and be actively seeking employment, searching, interviewing, submitting applications, etc.
Must be Independent
I already have a dependent, my son. I do not need another one. The man for me needs to be able to cook, clean, and anything else necessary for independent life. He doesn’t have to be a gourmet chef or anything, but he needs to have more skills than a microwave, such as conventional oven, slow cooker, toaster oven, and other cooking appliances. I refuse to do all of the housework. I will do some of it, but the right man for me will help out, rather than having the chauvinistic attitude that it’s a woman’s job. In fact, I won’t tolerate chauvinism of any kind!
Must Not Have a Criminal Record
I am not opposed to doing a background check on someone if I intend to start a relationship with them, especially with a kid in the picture. I won’t date someone who has a record of any kind. I know they can say they’ve changed, but I’d rather not push it. I intend to keep any form of criminal far away from me and my son.
One Cheat and It’s Over
I would absolutely never cheat on anyone, or even make it look like I’m cheating, and I expect the same. There is no three strikes you’re out. Once is enough for me to end things immediately. Even the suspicion of cheating can be dangerous for relationships, because trust is an essential part of any healthy relationship, and without trust, what have you got?
Can’t Choose My Friends
I have both male and female friends, some of the guy friends even being exes that I am still friends with. There is no form of romantic relationship there anymore and I would never do anything to lead someone to believe otherwise. If anyone, whether I’m dating them, they’re just a friend, family, or anyone else ever tries to make me choose them or someone else, I’ll choose the someone else every time. I won’t tolerate someone choosing my friends.
Must be Good with Money
I’m pretty good at managing money, and I refuse to date someone whose financial skills make me have to work even harder at it. Even if I am the superior one when it comes to managing the finances, he can’t be the type of guy to just go out and blow all the money on gadgets or something like that. There are other priorities, and it’s possible money could be saved for that, but I won’t tolerate someone who doesn’t consider these things.
Similar Intelligence to Mine
I think this is important. I do not want someone considerably more intelligent than me, who talks circles around me and with whom it is difficult to maintain a conversation, but likewise I don’t want to be the one talking circles around them. I’ve been told that I have slightly above average intelligence, certainly not genius level but higher than normal. There are many more types of intelligence than that measured on an IQ test, but for example sake, I’ll use an IQ score. I’ve tried various tests, just the silly free ones so I don’t take much stock in them, but the numbers usually ranged from 125 to 135, so I’ll use that as my example. With those numbers, I would probably want someone with an IQ between 110 and 150. That basically gives me about 20 points in either direction. I think a greater difference than that would make it difficult for us to relate to one another. I can have friends with more diverse IQs than that, but I would find a relationship outside that range to be difficult. Again those are just sample numbers from the silly free internet tests, but the general gist is the same. I don’t judge intelligence by a number though. I would judge it on our ability to relate to one another, and how well we interact during conversation.
Must be Willing to Sign a Prenuptual Agreement
Yep, I said it, a prenup. I never used to believe in prenups before, but after my past relationships, I have changed my mind. I got very lucky when my ex husband and I got our divorce because we settled things amicably, but it doesn’t always work that way. You hope a divorce won’t happen, but in the event it does, both sides can be angry, hurt, and a whole host of other emotions that can cause them to be irrational, argumentative, and unwilling to compromise. However, with a prenup, you can decide ahead of time what would happen in the event of divorce while you’re able to think rationally and get along, otherwise risk the judge handling it and possibly making decisions that neither side is satisfied with. I hope when I find the person I want to marry, this time I never do divorce, but as much as it stinks, it has to be considered.
I’m starting to get a little long winded, so while there are a few more things, they are minor and I can go ahead and leave them out at this point. These are standards though that I believe all seven billion plus people in the world should have for themselves, and since most don’t, that is why they seem high.
I don’t judge a person by appearance, provided they are well groomed and clean, and I don’t judge by weight. They should have a desire to get fit, but I’m not going to judge someone for being under or overweight. In fact, every single guy I have dated has been one or the other, and never in between. Basically none of my standards are simply skin deep, but are more based on principles, personality, and intelligence.
So you see, it’s perfectly okay for a person to have high standards. They should simply carry themselves based on the same standards. To do otherwise would be foolish and hypocritical.
What are your dating standards like? Are you pretty particular, with higher than usual standards, willing to settle with somewhat low standards, or something in between? Do you think my standards are too high? I’d love to see your opinions, though they won’t change my expectations, but I am curious. Please feel free to share your thoughts in a comment.
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